Dead Baby Jokes

More Written Absurd Listings

or

RETURN TO MAIN MENU

First Cynic Comic Strip
collection now in print.
Buy it now for
below retail.

THE WRITTEN ABSURD
Dead Baby Jokes on Swenson Funnies

I remember hearing dead baby jokes as a kid all the time and thinking nothing of it. It's odd how gruesome kids can be and yet humor always seems to be rooted in tragedy or morbidity. Or at least humor that is more likely to catch our attention and make us laugh. Greeting card humor doesn't have the same effect, it's more about warm smiles. Real laughter always seems to come from the gut where all the d isturbing stuff resides.
I'm not going to list every Dead Baby Jokes, just the ones I find amusing. Think of it as sick nostalgia.
These are jokes were either sent to me or I've read them before and have been passed around with a variety of wordings. If anyone wants to claim authorship for a joke I'd give credit, though I'm not sure how I would verify if that was true? That's the thing with jokes, they lose authorship once you tell them and then take on a life of their own.

	What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob
	What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs left in the middle of the ocean? FUCKED!
	How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.
	What is the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar? About 500 calories.

	Why do you put babies into blenders feet first? So you can see the expression on their faces.
	What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob
	What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz? Twins in an acid bath.
	What is funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.

Looking for a great prank idea?
Why don't you fool all your friends and members of your family with an authentic looking College diploma! Ever think about getting a fake Diploma to fool your co-workers at work in the office or at a party or social gathering? At Phony Diploma you can get a fake School diploma and novelty certificates for any joke, prank, or gag!

	How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
	How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
	How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off its head.
	What has 4 legs and one arm? A doberman on a children's playground.

	What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
	What is pink, flies and squeals? A baby fired from a catapult. What do you call the baby when it lands? Free pizza.
	What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
	What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.

	What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt. (alright, that one made me cringe)
	What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board? Dart-boards don't bleed.
	Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.
	How do you turn a baby into a dog? Pour gas over it and light a match--WOOF!

	How do you turn a baby into a cat? Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw--M-E-O-W-W...
	What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.
	What is red and is creeping up your leg? An abortion with homesickness.
	Why do you put babies into blenders feet first? So you can see the expression on their faces.

	What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes.
	What is the worst part about killing a baby? Getting blood on your clown suit.
	What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
	What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can? Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.

	What is the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? You can't gargle gravel.
	What is better than a dead baby? The revoked child-support.
	What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid? A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
	How many dead babies can fit in a barrel? 4 1/2.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron?
I don't have a tire iron in the trunk of my car.

RETURN TO MAIN MENU

Untitled Document test