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NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR BLONDES

We applaud blondes everywhere for taking the time to write down resolutions that will improve their reputations, the first of many steps towards being productive citizens and not just airhead whores.

I have obtained several of these lists from some generous blondes who would like share with the rest of us their goals for the New Year. These goals have not been edited, they all have "blonde" wording and in some instances may not make sense to the ordinary nonblonde. I apologize in advance for any interpretative frustration.

1. Wear underwear.
2. Read a book from cover to cover...then read the inside too.
3. Go back to high school to get diploma. Left it in locker.
4. Stop having sex on first date, especially when I pay for dinner.
5. Dump boyfriends who cheat on me with Mom.
6. Dump boyfriends who cheat on me with Dad. Damn homosapiens!
7. Remind myself to get refunds on lottery tickets with incorrect numbers.
8. To advance in my career, remember to kiss boss' butt at work and not the thing in front.
9. Do not laugh at fat people. They may be black.
10. Join abstinence program. A good place to meet guys.
11. Do not offend black people. They may be fat.
12. Do not offend Mexicans without IDs. It's illegal.
13. Stop asking the Postman for my email.
14. Stop confessing at police station. Priest said it was not the same thing.
15. Donate to charity. Nerds need sex too.
16. Use spellchecker when emailing office. Don't want to look stoopid.
17. Be more kind to animals. Only buy fur from companies who let the animals grow it back.
18. Quit smoking to stay thin. Start smoking to look cool.
19. Get debt free. Don't pay for it.
20. Drink less alcohol. That abortion cost a lot.




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