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BAD LADS ARMY IS FOR PUSSIES
TV Show review by Jeff Swenson

A show about taking troubled kids and putting them into a fifties style boot camp that doesn't live up to its premise.


I look forward to any new show the BBC brings to America and tests on the American audience. We in America, are constantly trying to emulate many of the original twists they come up with in their programming from reality TV to sitcoms to drama. Many of the imported shows fail, not necessarily because they're bad, but because Americans can't relate to the culture in the show or some other reason where the show is lost in translation (yes, we're all speaking English but the slang is very different in England than in The States). When I saw the promo for Bad Lads Army and took a break from my work to watch it I should have just watched a rerun of Ricki Lake or Jenny Jones; one of the reruns where they bring out a loud boot camp instructor to scare the hell out of the kids giving attitude on stage. That would have been much more satisfying then what I saw in Bad Lads.

In its introduction, the narrator boasts that they are going to take crime-riddled youth off of the streets of Britain and whip them into shape fifties boot camp style. The same kind of drills and discipline that was mandatory through what was called "National Service" or mandatory service for 2 years for every able-bodied male around the age of 18. Something they have since abolished in the UK but is still going on in other countries like Israel. I have a hard time believing that the fifties' National Service was so sensitive and, well, wimpy as the first episode that I saw.
The problem with the show is that these "bad lads" are not required to stay. There is nothing to stop them from leaving the camp except maybe some shame--but is that really going to bother kids who have already shamed themselves by breaking the law? Within the first 13 hours of arriving in the training camp, a skater-slacker type already decides he's had enough, tells the sergeant in charge that he wants to go, reports to the commanding officer of the camp and then is simply told to run as fast as he can to the vehicle that will depart for home. Huh? What's the point of this show if some vandal can escape so easily? Would they allow that in the fifties? This kid was a total pussy and they allowed him to remain a pussy and run away. He didn't even go through anything challenging. All they did was shout at him, give him a physical exam and maybe organize his sleeping area. And the kid is already taking off?
Another example is one of the "recruits" named Brown, the tough guy brother of a twin who has an attitude problem. Actually both twins were supposed to show up together at the boot camp, but one of them decided to stay home and leave his brother to fend for himself against the loud sergeants and corporals. Brown shows plenty of street attitude that I would expect back in the fifties would have gotten the hell beaten out of him. He talks back to his sergeant and even spits and threatens violence. By about midday he's ready to leave after two of the sergeants try to teach him a lesson by ganging up on him and putting him in some sort of headlock. It's a failed attempt. So much so that Brown challenges one of the sergeants to take him on man to man. Well, that I would have liked to seen. A trained army officer taking down a spoiled petty criminal who probably deserved to have the shit beat out of him. I don't feel bad in saying that because this Brown character was arrested along with his brother for beating up another bad lad until he sustained what sounded like major injuries. A good knocking down to the ground or at least some physical pain through exercise would have taken the fight out of this kid...But that didn't happen. These are more sensitive times and thus Brown is "talked to" and they explore his feelings of why he wants to leave. Say what?

I'm all for therapy and helping troubled youth who probably grew up in abusive homes--but not in a show about fifties-style boot camp! This is a farce. I guess I need to read up on the history of national service in The UK. Were they that touchy-feely? Did the sergeants give a rat's ass about some private's feelings? I think they would have kicked your ass for even suggesting that they be required to talk things out with some whiny kid who thinks he knows everything.

Helping troubled youth by talking out their problems is the rational approach. As boring as that is, I cannot argue with that. I don't want to advocate beating down youths who probably need real help. Severe punishment usually doesn't work very well and violence only redeems someone when they have to come together in times of war and face an oppressive enemy. However, that's not what the show promised. There is nothing to lose on this show. There is nothing at stake except the pride of the recruits to see if they can make it through training. To me that isn't enough. Because the service isn't mandatory like it was in the fifties, the whole show feels fake.

The real reason these petty criminal youths are on this show is because they signed a "hollywood style" contract and want to pose for the camera. They are out to sell themselves, not train to become an honorable patriot. This is all about them and not service to their country. No patriotism, no greater calling, no goal of striving to be the best soldier possible in order to defend their country from the enemy. It's all just a let-down.

I recently re-watched HBO's Band of Brothers and so maybe that's why I'm calling Bad Lads Army a show for pussies. There is no comparison between the dedication of the paratroopers in Band of Brothers and the poor excuses for soldiers in Bad Lads Army. That may not be a fair comparison; WW2 was in the forties and not in the fifties which was peace time, but nonetheless that is what was running through my mind as I watched the BBC import. I have never served in the military but I do have a great respect for those who do and who become the best at what they do through trial and discipline. Bad Lads almost seems disrespectful to the history of the armed services in The UK as well as in The USA. In Band of Brothers there's a story about everyone from a small town signing up to join the army and 4 are rejected for physical reasons. Those four who were rejected were so overcome with angst about not being able to serve their country that they killed themselves. Compare that to the skater-slacker who walks out of training in Bad Lads Army after only 13 hours. What does he care about? Getting back to his video games I would suspect.

I guess this show does make an argument against National Service or mandatory military service. We definitely do not want the kind of recruits found in Bad Lads. We want "bad asses" who really are "bad asses." Competent and tough and who know that military service is "service"; it's not about becoming a reality TV star or even about you as an individual (which is why I also have a problem with the US commercial about "An Army of One"). I would be naive to think that those in the military are not ambitious; many are looking to climb the ladder of rank and gain self-recognition. But ideally, that kind of recognition can only be achieved through "service". The kind of service that requires the best of what you have to offer. Those who try to cheat their way to the top lose the respect of their fellow officers and cannot properly lead--so they become politicians.

At a time when "real heroes" are giving their lives over in Afghanistan and in Iraq Bad Lads Army feels hollow. Under the worst of circumstances and under decisions that a soldier may not necessarily agree with they follow orders and do their best to serve us and their brothers/sisters in arms. I will agree there is always an idealistic illusion surrounding military life that movies feed on, but there's also some truth to it. Whether you agree with the war or not those in the military voluntarily put their lives at risk. It takes real guts and discipline, something most of us (if we could admit it) are not capable of.

I guess what I'm saying is the kids in Bad Lads should all be tossed into military prison and we should all watch Band of Brothers again.

 



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